Attachment is an odd concept. Though most people would argue that close relationships and select possessions are key to a life of happiness, it is easy for attachment to get out of control fast. In fact, plenty of religious and spiritual teachings from throughout history warn against attachment and stress the importance of letting go. If you’re someone who struggles in this department, it is never too late to make changes. Learn how to move beyond unhealthy attachments with these tips.
Attachment in Relationships
For any relationship to work, a certain amount of attachment is necessary. For example, you want your significant other to be someone you care about more than most other people you know. From your mother to your best friend to your neighbor, you must connect and engage in meaningful ways for these relationships to work. However, too much attachment easily becomes problematic. If you cling to your lover, you may scare him or her away. If you rely too much on your parents, you might never blossom on your own.
Noticing unhealthy attachment patterns is key to avoiding falling into or cultivating these kinds of relationships. Some people are predisposed to certain attachment issues, which means these internal triggers must be addressed for any kind of romantic relationship to thrive. For others, it is about avoiding traps like jealousy, exclusivity, and the need to spend every waking moment in the presence of your significant other. In short, it is about letting go.
Attachment and Possessions
A majority of spiritual leaders expound upon the importance of having few possessions. However, most people need possessions in order to survive. Even the baubles and trinkets purchased as accessories or decorations have significance in how they make you feel when you display them. As with relationships, putting a bit of distance between you and your spending now and again is key to controlling how you relate to the things you own.
If you fall into a habit of making impulse purchases whenever you feel emotional or are dealing with an obstacle in your life, it cultivates an unhealthy attachment with the idea of possessions. This habit tells you that your happiness and sanity rely on what you buy. Try letting go. In truth, the gratification that comes from buying stuff is fleeting. Learn to avoid buying junk for the sake of it, and it can change your relationship with your possessions for the better.
Attachment to the Past
It is not just people and items that can become unhealthy attachments. Your own mind can also be a big culprit when it comes to creating bad patterns that hold you back from reaching your true potential. Nostalgia, for example, is a huge trap. When you look back on a time in your life with rose-tinted glasses, you’ll find yourself longing to be back there. Since this is impossible, you are creating a goal that cannot be fulfilled. What’s worse, it poisons the well for all of your current interactions.
If you’re always thinking about how a lover in the past made you feel, any new romantic partners you meet will pale in comparison. Learn to live in the moment to help detach in a healthy way from the past.
Attachment and the Self
Finally, it is easy to attach to yourself in ways you might not expect. Stating “that’s just the way I am” when a friend or relative expresses a problem with your behavior is a perfect example. Learn to change the parts of you that are holding you back in life to allow your personality to evolve in new and nourishing ways.
Though it is true that a bit of attachment is required in this life, there is always the cautionary warning of “too much of a good thing.” Learn to address when your attachments spill into unhealthy areas, and it can be a big help to your feelings of wellness.