As a parent, you do your best to raise your children to be healthy and happy adults. Providing food, safe shelter, love, and guidance are all part of your obligation to youngsters. Many parents either subscribe to a faith or not, leading their offspring down a similar path when it comes to certain guiding principles. As your kids mature, they begin to forge their own trail in life. This includes everything from personal style to worldviews, including religion. What would you do if your child chooses a different faith from yours? Here are some things to consider.
What to Do if A Child Chooses a Different Faith: Keep a Cool Head
You may have several thoughts running through your head when your child chooses a different faith, but it’s important to stay cool. Don’t look at your child’s choice as them rejecting you or some other failure on your part. If your kid wants to walk another path, how you react isn’t going to make them change their mind. You’ve raised your child to be independent, thoughtful, and curious about the world around them. Choosing a particular faith is a big step for your youngster, and they trust you enough to be honest and open about it.
What to Do if A Child Chooses a Different Faith: Talk to Your Child
One of the best ways to offer support is by showing genuine curiosity about their decision. This doesn’t mean grilling them or attempting to discredit their chosen religion. Consider these questions when discussing beliefs with your kid:
- What drew you to this faith?
- What do you identify with about this belief system?
- Why do you feel this is the right choice for you?
It’s important to ask these questions calmly and without judgment. Start by asking them about this particular religion (or lack thereof). While it’s fine to discuss what they don’t like about your chosen spirituality, you run the risk of making the discussion about you and not them.
Listen, Listen, Listen
Another way to be supportive of your kid is to listen. It’s easy to write off their decision as rebellion or youthful ambivalence. Listening will help you discern whether your child is serious about a conversion or just pushing back against their religious upbringing. Recognize that growing up is about self-discovery, especially as it relates to one’s sense of existence, purpose, and connection to others. Taking the time to listen to them may provide insights into their religious and philosophical perspectives. You probably won’t like everything you hear, but that’s okay. You’re likely to gain some understanding of their spiritual needs.
Encourage Your Child
Even though this isn’t the path you would’ve chosen for your child, you can encourage them for their thoughtfulness and independence. Compliment them for doing their research and making such an important personal decision. Recognize that new converts almost always need support in adjusting to the tenets of their faith. New belief systems often recontextualize what a person understands about morals, ethics, and connection to others. While they may get this from other adherents, there’s nothing quite like the support of a loving parent. You don’t have to understand or agree in order to be supportive.
Educate Yourself
As a loving and responsible parent, you should educate yourself on your child’s religion. The internet provides easy access to information on other faiths, including tenets, houses of worship, doctrine, and practices. Learning about a youngster’s beliefs on your own reinforces your love and respect for their autonomy. You may discover there are more similarities between your faiths than there are differences.
Sooner or later, your children are going to make their own decisions in life. This is a natural part of maturity into adulthood. At some point, a child will choose a belief system of their own, shaped by their experiences and discovery of self. This may not be what you would’ve wanted, but it’s their life to live and your next step as a parent is to examine what to do. The best you can do is be calm, curious, engaging, supportive, and informed.